It feels like home
by waddlesthepenguin123
Summary: Takes place during (or around) 9x06 Heaven can't wait. I saw the previews for this episode( i havn't seen the episode yet) and decided to write this. Cas is confused about his new human emotions and ends up talking to Dean about them. Destiel oneshot


**A/N:** This is my first Supernatural story,and i accept constructive critisim, because i know this probalby sucked xD I guess you could say it takes place around 9x06 heaven cant wait, because i saw the preview and just had to write this xD

I dont own Supernatural or the characters

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Dean hated that bell, the tiny ones that hung over store doors, they were just so damn annoying. He hunted down his pie and headed to the counter, finding himself in a pretty pissed off mood. The cashier turned around and Dean nearly dropped his pie. "Cas?" He sputtered, grabbing the counter to steady himself.

"Hello Dean." Cas smiled upon seeing him. He went to ring the pie in but Dean stopped him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I haven't seen you in what feels like forever and you're not even going to talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Cas's voice sounded emotionless, flat, and Dean immediately hated it.

"How about...I'm sorry. I am sorry, I know it must be hard dealing with it yourself...I was so worried about you, but look at you, you got a job!" He punched him on the arm before leaning overt and hugging him. He clapped him on the back before awkwardly pulling away.

"I missed you Dean." Cas admitted. "It's...hard...with no one around to help."

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean whispered, thankful for the empty store, they both needed this conversation. Dean took a deep breath and shifted his elbow leaning in the counter. "So...how've you been?"

"Okay I guess...I never realized how hard it is to be human, there's just so much to worry about..."

Dean studied the thin figure before him, to be honest; he didn't really look like Cas without his stupid trench coat. He had so much guilt, knowing it was he who had sent Cas out on his own, who had made him try to adjust all by himself. "Come on." He said, slipping an arm around his shoulders. "You look hungry." Cas tried to protest but Dean cut him off. "It's the least I can do."

Cas looked overjoyed to be sitting in the Impala again. He ran his hand along the edge of the seat before blissfully leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "It feels like home. I know that sounds stupid..." He let out a long breath and Dean stayed quiet, giving him the chance to go on. "You know, you never really know how good you have it until it's gone. I had it good with you and Sam...Real good...even everything we've been through...it was good. It's all so overwhelming, all these emotions and feelings, its hard Dean. You know what I think the best thing I had was? Having people around who cared...who cared about me...that's the thing I miss the most of all."

"We still care Cas; we're still here for you. Your important to me-us." Cas opened his eyes. He slowly slid them over Dean's face before coming to a rest on the dashboard. "We'll always be here for you Cas, I'll always be here."

Cas closed his eyes again, wishing he could believe it, but he just felt so unbearably alone. "I have to admit, I have much more respect for humans now. How do you do it everyday Dean? It seems so overwhelming, so much to worry about. Eating, sleeping, dying...I'm going to die one day...I miss it Dean. I miss it so much it hurts thinking about how bad things are now. I'd do anything have it all back." A single, solitary tear trickled own his cheek. Dean resisted the overwhelming urge to reach over and wipe that tiny drop of moisture away, to erase all the sadness. Seeing Cas like that was unbearable. "I'd give anything to have it back." He repeated wistfully.

"So would I." Dean whispered. "I miss it too, I miss you."

Cas opened his eyes and searched his face. Dean was such a wreck he had forgotten to hide his emotions, to put up that brick wall that blocked out any sense of reality, or his feelings, it kept anybody from getting too close. Yet Cas had always found a way to tear down that wall anyway, no matter how much dean tried to resist it, Cas always found a way inside his deepest and darkest places of his mind. Dean ripped his gaze away and opened the car door. "Come on." He encouraged, trying to forget the intensity of those blue eyes that could always see through his facade.

They chose a booth at the back by a window. Dean watched as Cas peered out the window, watching the human world go by. He seemed so fascinated, so lost in thought that Dean didn't want to disturb him. They ordered and Cas fiddled with his napkin. "Thank you Dean." He said finally, his eyes rising to meet Dean's. So many emotions flashed across those eyes that Dean felt a pity for him; Cas was living a life where he discovered a new feeling or experience everyday. That made Dean want to help him even more, if only he could find a way.

They ate silently, their eyes flickering up to meet occasionally. "Dean." Cas wrapped his hands around his coffee mug and chewed his bottom lip. "Gary, a guy I work with, says that I talk about you too much, that I must love you." He blurted. Dean flinched at the shock but tried to recover, there wasn't anything Cas could say that would push him away. Yet, he felt disbelief take control of his facial features. "He says that it's not normal that I talk about you that much, that I must be hopelessly in love with you, that I must be gay." His voice dropped as if he were ashamed. "He said it like it was a bad word, I don't know...but it hurt me Dean, he looked at me like I was disgusting..." Dean swallowed thickly, his ears still ringing from what Cas had said. Cas looked hurt at his silence. "Please dean...I'm not disgusting, am I?" He got no response and sprinted out of the diner.

"Cas!" Dean slapped down some money for the bill and hurried after him. "Cas!"

Cas hurriedly backed away as Dean approached. "Please...don't hate me dean, I'm sorry!"

"Cas, calm down!"

"No, I'm sorry Dean! I'm sorry I bothered you, I shouldn't have said that-" He tried to turn away but Dean grabbed him, coincidently, by the hand. Cas looked down at their joined hands, trying to make sense of this new sensation.

"Cas, it's all right." Dean let go of his hand and pulled him in for a hug. Cas's stubble brushed up against his cheek and he hoped nobody noticed the blush creeping up his face. "Stop saying you're sorry, I want you to be able to tell me everything, it doesn't matter what."

"I feel like a ...I don't know Dean...I just want to fit in!"

"Shhh." He calming rubbed his back. "Shh Cas, it'll be all right." He held him close and heard Cas sniffle back his tears.

"Please don't hate me Dean." Cas whimpered.

"I don't hate you." Dean said with a smile.

"...I don't understand, how do in know if I love you? Maybe Gary was wrong and I'm stupid-"

Dean sighed. "Well...only you can figure that out Cas...but once you figure it out...I'll be waiting."

Cas smiled up at him. "I feel so close to you dean. I've never felt this close to anybody before...I feel...complete around you, like when you're not around something big...a part of me is missing..."

Dean couldn't help but smile at the hated chick flick moment. "Time to get you back to work." He said, leading him over to the Impala.

Cas watched him silently before placing a hand over Dean's free one. "I thought you'd be angry..."

Dean laced his fingers through Cas's. He honestly didn't know what to say, he wasn't good with the whole feelings thing.

They pulled into the store's parking lot and Cas was reluctant to leave. Eventually he detached his hand from Dean's and gave him a small, sad smile. "Bye Dean."

Dean watched him disappear inside but didn't move, he just sat there, thinking and remembering. Cas came running back out and Dean rolled down his window. "You forgot your pie." Cas sounded so concerned Dean just wanted to lean over and hug him, or laugh or even cry, he really didn't know.

'It's all right." He smiled. "You keep it."

The phone call came later that night. Dean leaned over and groggily picked up his cell phone. "Hello?"

"I love you dean."

Dean perked up at Cas's voice and the words he had spoken. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and sat up, pressing the phone against his ear so hard it hurt. "How do you know?" Dean asked, sceptical of getting his hopes up too high, of how he could come to such an important conclusion in such little time.

"Well." Cas paused. "The list is very long Dean, too long to tell you now, but to sum it up...I think it's everything." Dean smiled at the empty room, feeling his heart soar at the words. "Dean"

"Yes?"

"I love everything about you, don't ever change."


End file.
